Ghastly ([info]ghastlycomic) wrote,
@ 2008-07-05 20:29:00
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Nice Shorts?
I went to the beach today.

On the way back I encountered yet another example of Scooter Rage. I don't know why scooters invoke such ire and contempt from passerbys but they do. Today I passed three guys and one of them saw me coming on my scooter, pointed as I approached and yelled "nice shorts"!

There was absolutely nothing remarkable about the rather ordinary pair of shorts I was wearing at the time. I figure he just saw me coming on a scooter, wanted to mock me for riding a scooter, yelled the first thing that came into his head, then felt a deep crimson shame as he realized his attempt at a put down was a failure of a non-sequitor.

I thought it was funny because even though I continued on my way I know this conversation undoubtedly transpired in my wake.

"Nice shorts?"

"Well... yeah... you saw him. He was driving a scooter."

"But nice shorts?"

"Look I had to yell something, didn't I? I mean we can't just allow people to drive economically and environmentally responsible motor vehicles without challenge. You have to yell something at them as they drive past."

"But why 'nice shorts'. Why not 'hey fag' or 'you're gay' or 'nice scooter'?"

"I... I didn't notice the scooter until it was almost here. It's one of those electric ones and makes no noise. I... paniced and just yelled the first thing that came into my head. If I had to to do all over again I'd have yelled something else. But I yelled 'nice shorts' and I'll just have to live with that now. But at least we can all take comfort in the fact that I yelled something at him. Right?"

"Epic fail!"

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[info]squidflakes
2008-07-06 12:51 am UTC (link)
Or... he could have been gay and giving you a secret signal equivalent to "Hey, I'd like to see your cock."

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[info]mouser
2008-07-06 01:24 am UTC (link)
Beat me to it...

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[info]springjade
2008-07-07 02:24 am UTC (link)
*wink*

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[info]richvstone
2008-07-06 12:57 am UTC (link)
Usually I only say something like that when the dude's nuts are hanging out from the shorts and they're not aware of it :D

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[info]ghastlycomic
2008-07-06 01:15 am UTC (link)
Remind me we have to have gay sex some time.

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[info]richvstone
2008-07-06 03:45 am UTC (link)
Woohoo any time!

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[info]bothrops
2008-07-06 01:04 am UTC (link)
Maybe he liked your legs? Or your package was in the breeze?

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[info]ghastlycomic
2008-07-06 01:16 am UTC (link)
Well my legs are my best feature.

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[info]korgmeister
2008-07-06 01:29 am UTC (link)
See I must admit that my transport heckling is reserved for the Toyota Prius, where I point and yell "Ha ha! You're driving a stupid car!" at any possible opportunity.

This is because I'm tired of eco-posers* buying cars with greater environmental impact and inferior fuel efficiency to a VW Golf (which is a similarly sized, but cheaper and roomier) and then acting as if their shit doesn't stink.

*Whose collective motto appears to be "We're willing to do anything to save the world so long as it doesn't involve research".

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[info]kittyboymuffin
2008-07-06 04:14 am UTC (link)
So sort of like the equivalent of amateur grammar nazis?

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[info]d_kitten_bitten
2008-07-06 06:27 am UTC (link)
My roomies and I have decided that Priuses look like cockroaches, so whenever we see one, we yell 'COCKROACH!!'

Seems to work pretty well for us.

- Dee

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[info]korgmeister
2008-07-06 09:27 am UTC (link)
I approve of this practise. Much better on the brevity front. I think I shall adopt it.

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[info]ashurax469
2008-07-06 01:59 am UTC (link)
I only heckle people driving Hummers. Humvees are manly as fuck, but Hummers are just pathetic and a waste of resources. I try to spit on them when I can.

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[info]acelightning
2008-07-06 11:41 pm UTC (link)
A young lady I know was walking down a street in New York City's Greenwich Village, and as she crossed at the light, the car nearest her was a big-ass Humvee - in pristine, never-been-off-the-highway condition, of course. The windows were closed, and she began jumping up and down, pointing at the vehicle, grinning, and shouting, "Oh my god, this man must have the world's smallest penis! I can't believe it!" - Except, of course, that her expression and body language looked to the driver like, "Oh, wow, look, a Humvee! What a macho vehicle!" People all around were cracking up. The light changed, and he drove away, never knowing the truth of the incident. Of course, since this was NYC (particularly the Village), it was just another impromptu bit of street theater...

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[info]maikeru_go
2008-07-09 09:44 am UTC (link)
Though if you're on a bicycle you get to heckle everyone; Hummers, trucks, standard S.U.V.s, Priuses (well technically most would say Prii even though it is said that it should be Apriori based on the word root), motorcycles, Segways, etc. Though really I only heckle those in S.U.V.s who are doing something in utterly poor form such as being the only one in it, smoking and discarding the cigarettes out the window (which is bad for anyone else behind them since the glowing embers on the windshield are scary at sunset/night and just plain painful if you're on a bike), making one handed U-turns using the "throw and catch" method, talking on the cellphone by using one of the hands or shoulder-clamping to hold it (thankfully there's now a law in CA banning this unless it's a real emergency).

I also cheer on those who drive hybrid cars (not S.U.V.s since I think we'd all be better off with fewer S.U.V.s on the road) and electrics that are based on the non-hybrid versions of the vehicle. Simply stated those who vehicles that look almost identical to their normal versions—proof that vehicles with new energy technologies can look normal and prove to people that the individual driving it isn't status conscious and might really care about making things better (extra points to those who cut off the special hybrid badging—if you're the only one who knows what it is and you don't care about that, then you just might own it for the right reasons).

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[info]acelightning
2008-07-06 02:17 am UTC (link)
Nice video, even if you didn't show us your shorts.

I went up the CN Tower, the one time I managed to visit Toronto, some years back. I don't recall being able to see the Hamilton beachfront, but on the other hand, it was dark out, and also I was trying to see Rochester, NY, where my daughter-in-law's family lives. But I really love the CN Tower, because I love tall buildings with observation windows way, way up there.

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[info]just_you_wait
2008-07-06 07:11 pm UTC (link)
I loved jumping from beam to beam on the glass floor.

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[info]acelightning
2008-07-06 10:56 pm UTC (link)
I did a little clog dance, and then jumped up and down a few times, to cheers and applause from several small children. I am a rather large person ;-)

I not only don't have any fear of heights, I actively enjoy them. So I had fun just looking straight down through the glass floor. A number of years ago, I found myself thrown into the company of an ex-boyfriend of mine, ina situation where we had very little choice but to declare a truce for the duration. We were walking along the pedestrian walkway of a highway bridge, which was at least 200 feet/61 meters above the water, since there was a lot of shipping traffic on that stretch of river (if you've ever been in Wheeling, West Virginia, it's the bridge that goes to that island in the middle of the river). The deck of the bridge is made of metal mesh. I knew my ex was afraid of heights, so I peered down through the mesh, pointed at something floating in the river, and said, "Oh, look at that!" Gods, I was such a bitch...

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[info]almagill
2008-07-06 02:29 am UTC (link)
Could be that they were just awesome shorts and you happened to pass the local Shorts Appreciation Society?

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[info]pied_pieper
2008-07-06 03:45 am UTC (link)
We like short shorts! Were they short shorts? And you tell that pebble who's boss!

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Just to be fair....
[info]fear_the_cow
2008-07-06 04:45 am UTC (link)
I was alking around Seattle today with my "Science Ninja Big Ten" baseball jersy on, and someone said "Nice Shirt!". So I guess it all works out...

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[info]elaryn
2008-07-06 05:11 am UTC (link)
Maybe...maybe they just liked your shorts. :-)

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[info]mikeyarrum
2008-07-06 05:32 am UTC (link)
Awesome and sexy! I wish I could just be funny by doing nothing like you.

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[info]greenworldgirl
2008-07-06 05:53 am UTC (link)
Oh well, let them mock. You know how secretly girls laugh at that dude in sports car or giant truck and say to each other, I wonder what he's compensating for? Yeah? Well you ride a scooter. There will always people who look at that say, DAMN. That dude rides a scooter. He must be confident about....something.

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[info]d_kitten_bitten
2008-07-06 06:26 am UTC (link)
I concur with your assessment and demand pictures of what, exactly, Uncle Ghastly is just so confident about ... one might even say 'cocky'!

- Dee

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[info]kittyboymuffin
2008-07-06 03:45 pm UTC (link)
http://www.instantrimshot.com/

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[info]acelightning
2008-07-06 10:56 pm UTC (link)
Stolen! ;-)

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[info]kittyboymuffin
2008-07-06 10:59 pm UTC (link)
You can have it, I stole it from someone else. ;3

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[info]acelightning
2008-07-06 11:35 pm UTC (link)
I figured as much...

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[info]maikeru_go
2008-07-09 09:28 am UTC (link)
Hey, people back in San Diego (a very car centered town) used to look at me strangely when I'd walk into the Savon Drugs in my everyday bike gear (pretty much just my normal clothes with the addition of a helmet, glasses, and gloves—since the asphalt is relentless and you've got to protect yourself) and purchase a box of condoms. You could tell by the stares that the thoughts went something like, "He rides a bike, but he doesn't seem flamboyantly gay. So that means he's getting enough hetero sex to purchase the bonus pack of condoms—yet he doesn't drive a car? I don't get it."

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[info]d_kitten_bitten
2008-07-06 06:25 am UTC (link)
My favorite thing to say about scooters is 'Hey, what's the gayest thing I could possibly drive?'

- Dee

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[info]shadedevlin
2008-07-06 07:21 am UTC (link)
Yeah, that was a big-ass pebble.

And you gots to go to the beach more. Twas fun for everyone. That, and you are one talented rambler. (Is that even the right word?)

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[info]salzara_tirwen
2008-07-06 08:53 am UTC (link)

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[info]salzara_tirwen
2008-07-06 08:54 am UTC (link)
And the above is the reason for "Dude, you should come visit Va Beach sometime"

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[info]sqlrob
2008-07-06 01:05 pm UTC (link)
Who knows, maybe that's the local variation of something we had at school and you missed out on a hot night.

There was a list of pickup lines that was circulating the net at the time. One of the lines was "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?", and it got shortened even more to "Nice shoes". Nobody I knew could compliment someone else on their shoes without blushing and/or laughing.

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[info]just_you_wait
2008-07-06 07:15 pm UTC (link)
A brilliant video! Had you been drinking?

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[info]ghastlycomic
2008-07-06 07:43 pm UTC (link)
Completely sober. Didn't even have my ice-cream cone until after too so it wasn't like I even had a sugar buzz.

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[info]shadedevlin
2008-07-07 06:19 am UTC (link)
Okay. The next video you make should have this situation fixed. You're damn good sober, I'm sure there's more than just me that wants to see you buzzed. (Sugar or not).

I'm just not sure if your Awesome-o-meter will break due to all the buzzedness.

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[info]pi3832
2008-07-07 10:38 am UTC (link)
I did not realize that you were a scooter-squid. Perhaps he was mocking you for not wearing appropriately protective clothing?

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[info]furinari
2008-07-07 04:35 pm UTC (link)
Were they Dockers?

Dockers - Nice Pants.

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[info]salzara_tirwen
2008-07-07 11:26 pm UTC (link)
Nice scooter!

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agoraphobia
[info]lordbobo
2008-07-08 01:43 am UTC (link)
Just caught up on your blog. I notice you are still having issues with anxiety. I had two friends who were agoraphobic for years. They gradually came to cope with it, but it was a hard road and both still had anxiety attacks. Unrelatedly, I myself stopped ingesting high fructose corn syrup, or HFCS. I think they call it Glucose-Fructose up there or something. Anyway, I convinced one of my friends to do the same. In the space of two weeks, her anxiety attacks completely stopped. Gone. She eliminated all corn from her diet and has been medication-free for months now. Flushed with success, I brought the news to the other friend. His was reduced in magnitude enough so he only occasionally has to medicate.
Double-blind medical trial? No. Antecdotal? Yes. But who knows, maybe you might have a similar issue. Just thought I'd drop a line on it for ya. Have a good summer!

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Re: agoraphobia
[info]greenworldgirl
2008-07-08 09:56 am UTC (link)
If you want to be hardcore, eliminating caffeine, alcohol and HFCS is the way to go. No fun yes, but it seems to really be helpful to people IF they will stick with it. I think people just have different bodies, and some folks don't process those things the same way and it gives them some trouble (my non-scientific explanation).

Oh, and whenever yells something like 'nice shorts!', my impulse would be to yell 'NICE COMPLIMENT!' But that's just me.

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Re: agoraphobia
[info]ghastlycomic
2008-07-08 05:03 pm UTC (link)
One of the the advantages of being Canadian is HFCS isn't used in as many products as it is down in the US. We don't have a sugar growers lobby artificially inflating the price of sugar simply because we don't have sugar growers so we're able to import our sugar cheaply from Cuba and the Dominican Republic. Alcohol I find extremely useful when dealing with agoraphobia, but I've pretty much quit drinking when I go out now so there goes that. Caffeine I've been eliminating after a certain point in the day. I basically have my morning cup o' joe and that's it now.

I have an obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder so hopefully as that gets treated I'll suffer fewer bouts of agoraphobia.

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Re: agoraphobia
[info]tigrress2
2008-07-09 12:41 am UTC (link)
I've had two scooters in the past... I currently ride a motorcycle... The scooters were tiny 49.5 cc engines and I always felt like I was driving backwards, getting out of the way of cars as they came up behind me...

And yes, I was very gay. Especially with my full face helmet on...

BTW, I thought it was BPD?

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Re: agoraphobia
[info]greenworldgirl
2008-07-09 06:14 am UTC (link)
You Canadians and your cursed sensibility! What, do they put it in the water up there or something?

Many, many people with mental issues use alcohol as a means of self-medication, because in the short term, it DOES work. Unfortunately, it also has what's called a paradoxical effect, which means that over the long term it actually destabilizes you so that you become more and more anxious and depressed, thus leading some down the path to bumdom and others just to being obnoxious. So it's probably just as well you don't drink when you're out. Not everyone with mental issues develops a raging alcohol problem, of course, but it makes me think that overall it's something best avoided until you have your issues totally under control and know what your baseline mood is so that you can see exactly how everything you add back into your diet effects you.

Yeah, it sucks, but I figure it's kind of like being diabetic or having a heart problem. You actually have to deal with the fact that you have to take certain health precautions other people don't, even if you don't like it and everyone else gets to eat tasty cake and bacon and you don't.

Ah, so glad I still have cake and bacon.

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(Anonymous)
2008-07-08 08:49 pm UTC (link)
Do want tentacoo wape!

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